


Song of Vengeance

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Siren Song [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Blood and Torture, Broken Promises, Character Death, Death, Dragon Mates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M, Memories, Mind Control, Promises, Psychological Torture, Revenge, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, Soul Bond, Team as Family, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17546492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: A simple night out had ended in tragedy, leaving Gray adrift, lost in the knowledge that Natsu had died to protect him...and that his killer was still out there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always had a vague idea of doing a sequel to 'Siren Song', and here we are.

_Emptiness._

_That was the first thing that registered as Gray slowly began to drift back towards the surface. He wasn’t sure what was missing, just that there was a raw, aching hole where there was usually warmth, and he frowned, coming to a halt in the strange current that he had been following before. What is it? What am I missing? He could feel the answer dancing just out of reach, a flash of quicksilver in the darkness, and he went to grab it before something made him falter, fingers closing just short of it and he swallowed. He wasn’t sure what the answer was, but he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to like it. That he didn’t want to remember, and he recoiled, glancing around in search of the warmth that should have been waiting for him._

_Natsu? Natsu where are you?_

**

     Erza came awake with a start, her magic still on edge after everything that had happened, had a sword in her hand before she’d even realised that it was Lucy who was stood over her, the hand that had rested on her shoulder only seconds before now snatched back. “Erza?” Lucy was rigid, observing her with wary eyes, although the fact that her hand hadn’t slipped down to her key pouch said that she realised the threat was gone.

“Sorry,” Erza whispered, wincing at how raw her voice sounded even as she banished the sword. Immediately missing its weight, although she knew that it couldn’t protect her against what had happened, or the pain to come. Feeling her eyes beginning to burn again, she blinked and turned towards the bed, nearly losing her fight against tears as her gaze landed on the Ice Mage curled in the centre of it. Gray had never looked so small, so broken, and she had seen him go through hell far too many times to count, and a small part of her wondered if maybe this was going to be the breaking point. She couldn’t blame him if it were, just as she prayed that it wasn’t, because they couldn’t lose him too.  “Has there been any change?” She forced the words out, already knowing the answer as she stared at Gray’s too pale face.

“No,” Lucy murmured, relaxing slightly, although her expression was contorted with grief as she too turned to look at Gray.

“Happy?”

“He cried himself to sleep,” Lucy replied, and Erza grimaced, unsurprised but aching at the news all the same.  “Carla is keeping an eye on him and Wendy, so I wanted to check on you and G-Gray.” Lucy’s voice cracked and broke, her emotions barely contained, and Erza was the one to reach out this time, grasping the Celestial Mage by the wrist and squeezing lightly.  Lucy had been the first one to rally after Gray had lost consciousness, marshalling them all even as tears had streaked down her cheeks, and the redhead knew that a shattering was still to come. However, apparently that time wasn’t now, because Lucy rallied in front of her eyes, and there was something in her eyes that warned Erza not to push too yet. It was something she could respect because she knew that she wasn’t ready to even begin looking at how she felt beneath the surface of numb grief, and so she was the first to glance aside.

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” she murmured, unable to believe that she had, especially after promising to watch over Gray while the others rested, fiercely resisting Makarov’s offer to watch over him.

“Erza…” Lucy started, before shaking her head and glancing away, her gaze drawn back to Gray as fresh tears started rolling down her cheeks once more. “This isn’t your fault, none of us could have stopped this.”

   _I know._ That was the worst of it, Erza thought as she followed her gaze, watching as Gray shifted slightly, fingers splayed as he reached out for something, or rather someone that wasn’t there. There was nothing they could have done, but it didn’t stop the questions, the doubts and ‘what if’s’, and her free hand curled into a fist against her leg. “But…”

“I know,” Lucy whispered. “I-I…”  Erza felt the shudder that wracked the Celestial Mage through her grip on the other girl’s wrist, and she was pulling Lucy close, even before the first sob came, rising to pull her into a hug as the stinging in her own eyes became a burning. “Erza…h-he can’t be…h-he…” _Can’t be gone…_ Lucy couldn’t even put it into words, but Erza knew what she meant, her own tears beginning to fall as she lifted her head to glance across to where curtains had been pulled around the furthest bed in the infirmary, protective runes glistening around it as they protected what lay inside. _I wish that were true,_ she thought, feeling something crack beneath the numbness, and as Lucy’s fingers tightened against her back, she shattered too, a sob rocking her as she hugged Lucy fiercely, her gaze never leaving the curtains.

_Natsu…_

****

_“Natsu? Oi, Flamebrain! Where are you?” Gray shouted, not liking the way his words seemed to ripple around him, barely reaching out into the darkness around him. There was still something dancing just out of reach, an awareness that seemed to pulse every time he called his mate’s name, something that he was skittering away from. “Natsu, this isn’t funny anymore!” He didn’t like missing his partner’s warmth, knowing that Natsu’s heat couldn’t be stopped by something as simple of this darkness, and there was real irritation this time as he called for the idiot. “NATSU! Answer me!”_

****

    Neither of them knew how long they had stood there, sobbing and breaking apart, and yet feeling as though they had barely scratched the surface of their grief. It was Lucy who pulled back first, scrubbing at the tears that were still falling as she slowly moved towards the bed, and Erza let her go, making no effort to wipe at her own tears as she sank back into her chair.

“It doesn’t feel right doing this without him,” Lucy whispered, as she settled into the other chair that they had dragged across to Gray’s bedside when they’d first got him settled in the infirmary. She hesitated for a moment before reaching out to grasp one of Gray’s hands, gripping it as tightly as she dared, fingers drawing soothing circles as he mumbled something under his breath before settling once more.

“No, it doesn’t,” Erza agreed, a haunted expression on her face. “That scream.” She had never heard Gray sound that wounded, that devastated. It was a sound that had cut straight through her, sharper than any of the swords she owned, and she could still feel it now, rattling through her soul, and reminding her of her failure. The one thing that had been her fault, no matter what Lucy or the others might try to say to her.

_Erza had already been in full armour, sword drawn as they’d broken through the last of the defences on the warehouse that Wendy’s advanced sense of smell had guided them to once, they’d realised that Natsu and Gray were missing. Which proved to be a blessing as the first thing that greeted her as the door caved under her assault was a clawed hand sweeping towards her face, and at once she parried, forcing her assailant back, and moving forward to allow the others inside. In a split second, she had identified that there was only one assailant, sharp eyes taking in scales and claws, and what looked like a tail for all of two seconds before abruptly she was faced with a too beautiful woman who was smiling, even as she lashed out with a clawed hand again._

_What the hell is this? She thought, blocking the attack with ease, still scanning the area for some sign of her missing teammates, faltering at the sight of blood. On the far wall. On the floor. And on the woman in front of her, and she had a good idea of who it belonged to as she heard a distressed noise from Wendy, catching the Dragon-slayer’s flared nose as she found a scent that she clearly didn’t like. “Wendy, what is…?” Her question was cut off, not by her companions or her assailant, but by a familiar voice from above._

_“WE’RE UP HERE! ERZA! LUCY! WENDY! HURRY!”_

_Gray. She had never heard him sound like that, and she knew that there was only one person that could draw that kind of emotion from him, and her lips were pulled back in a snarl as she charged forwards as the woman tried to move to block what she now realised were heavily rusted stairs leading to an upstairs area. “Lucy! Wendy! Get upstairs!” Her sword sent sparks in the air, as the woman dodged just out of reach, but it was enough to give the other two and the Exceeds chance to charge past her and up the stairs. Confident that they would help Natsu and Gray, Erza’s world narrowed down to her opponent._

_To the woman who had dared lay a hand on her teammates, her family. To the woman who had made the Ice Mage sound like that, fury glittering in her eyes. “What did you do to them?” To Natsu, she thought, realising that they had only heard Gray’s voice, and knowing that he would only have sounded that frantic, that terrified if something had happened to the Dragon-slayer. “Answer me,” she demanded, only to blink as suddenly the woman was there in front of her, too close to strike, shuddering as clawed fingers brushed her cheek._

_“I didn’t do anything to them.” The voice was melodic, soothing in a way that Erza knew that it shouldn’t be, and yet it seemed to settle around her like a comforting blanket. “This is all just a misunderstanding.” Erza shook her head, trying to cling to the memory of what Gray had sounded like, knowing that something was wrong here, and yet she was still lowering her sword. “Please, just give me a chance to explain….” Erza’s magic flared, banishing her armour and weapon, leaving her in just her everyday clothes, shoulder relaxed, even as something akin to panic churned in the pit of her stomach._

_This is wrong…_

_She knew that some part of her rebelling against the strange peacefulness that was settling over and yet she couldn’t move, even as the woman moved closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. “Please, you need to let me go.” It wasn’t a plea, and Erza blinked, some of the enchantment beginning to slip away, but still, it wasn’t enough to fight it. “Good girl.” She wanted to bristle at the words, but she couldn’t, and she found herself obediently turning away and heading for the stairs, silently screaming and cursing herself as she heard movement behind her. Knowing that the woman was escaping and that she was just letting her go, but she couldn’t turn. Couldn’t act. All she could do was walk up the stairs._

_It was only when she had reached the door that Wendy and Lucy had left open in their wake, that she felt the enchantment shatter, leaving her to face the full horror of the sight in front of her. For a second, she didn’t know where to look: Natsu, lying bloodied and barely moving in Gray’s laps, the tears on the others’ faces, and the broken, devastated expression on the Ice Mage’s face._

_She couldn’t speak in the face of that. Guilt, and realisation settling in as she watched Natsu desperately forcing his last words out, refusing to heed Gray’s pleas. Listening as Wendy sobbed and apologised for not being able to do more, and the rest of them began to shatter, as they realised what was happening. And something raw and painful shattered in her chest, when the Dragon-slayer slipped away from them, Gray’s voice rising in a terrible, broken approximation of a scream._

    Gray had passed out after that, and he hadn’t roused once in the hours since. Not that she could blame him, because who would want to wake up to this? She also wasn’t ready to face him, to see his grief and rage in all its rawness and admit that she had let the woman…creature. _Monster._ Who had taken Natsu slip through her fingers. Hell, even that was an overstatement, she had turned away and let the woman walk away without really lifting a blade to stop her. It didn’t comfort her at all that magic had been involved, or that it had apparently been powerful magic…or that it was likely the same magic that had reduced Natsu to… she faltered at that thought, glancing back towards the sheltered area where Natsu’s body lay, waiting for his mate to come back to them before they could even think about putting him to rest.

She had failed.

“No, you didn’t,” Lucy’s voice startled her out of her thoughts, and she blinked, horrified to realise that she had let her guard down enough to speak that aloud. Lucy was staring at her, still holding Gray’s hand tightly, eyes fierce. “We still don’t know exactly what happened.” Brown eyes darted towards the curtained off bed too, before focusing on her once more. “But I know that you wouldn’t have let her go unless you had no other choice. And we will find her, the others are already out looking.”

“I know,” Erza whispered. She had warned them about the strange magic that had halted her in her tracks, thinking that it would discourage them, but no one had hesitated or backed out of searching for the woman who had taken one of their own. Gajeel had headed the first group to go out, once the initial shock had faded, and she didn’t think she would ever be able to forget the cold fury in crimson eyes when Gajeel had first set eyes on Natsu. Dimmed only by the grief that had slipped through in its wake as he had realised the full weight of their loss. It was why she hadn’t argued when he had declared that he was going hunting, knowing that with his Dragon-slayer senses he had a better chance than most, and at least he would be on guard. “What really scares me is if they can’t find him before Gray is back on his feet.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve seen Natsu tear apart the world for Gray,” Erza said softly, heart aching at even saying his name. “Gray is every bit as fierce and losing Natsu… there will be nothing to hold him back.” _There will be no reason for him to be careful, or to keep the promise he made about that spell._ She knew that there was no way they would be able to stop the Ice Mage from joining the hunt if they hadn’t found the woman first. Just as she knew that Natsu for all his own destructiveness, had been the only one who could truly keep Gray under wraps… with that gone, with Natsu gone, she was terrified about how far Gray might go to avenge his mate. She was also scared, to realise that as long as they weren’t going to lose Gray, that she might just let him.

“Then…we’ll be at his side,” Lucy whispered, and Erza could tell from the expression on the Celestial Mage’s face that her thoughts had taken a similar track and she closed her eyes.

  _Natsu, did you realise how much you meant to us? How much we need you?_

_****_

    _Gray had long since descended into silence because there was something unnerving about hearing his words rippling in the air around him but seeming to penetrate no deeper into the darkness. Especially, as he knew that Natsu should have heard him, no matter how far away he was because Natsu always heard him._

_Always felt him._

_The darkness seemed to shimmer, little pinpricks of light breaking through, and with it came the realisation of what was missing. He couldn’t feel Natsu. The warmth that had nothing to do with the fire magic running through his mate’s body, that had become a constant presence in the back of his mind was gone, a chill wrapping itself around him as that thought struck home. He blinked the hollow feeling in his chest seeming to deepen, a new ache blossoming in the middle of it. Natsu where are you? There was no answer forthcoming from the darkness around him, and with fear driving him forward he began to flail, suddenly desperate to claw his way out of it._

_Wanting._

_Needing to find Natsu._

****

    It was almost morning, the sky outside the infirmary window beginning to lighten from inky black to royal blue, and Erza and Lucy were both haggard from grief and exhaustion. Although neither of them was tempted to sleep, terrified of Gray waking up alone, and of what might be waiting for them if they did rest.  They hadn’t talked much after that earlier conversation, lapsing into silence and their own thoughts, although the odd shared glance across the bed holding their increasingly restless friend had reminded them that they weren’t alone. It was during one of those brief moments of connection that Erza first noticed the way that Gray’s frown had deepened, the odd, twitching movements that had slowly been increasing overnight, as though he was trying to swim up from a great depth, were now almost frantic.

“Gray?” She moved as he flung his arm out, reaching, grasping and her heart ached as she reached out to grasp his hand, knowing that her touch wasn’t the one he wanted or needed, but needing to do something to help. On the other side, Lucy leant in too, squeezing the hand that she was still cradling, adding her voice to Erza’s as she called to him too. He seemed to hear them, head turning towards Erza first and then towards Lucy, and his mouth opened, although nothing came out, and he seemed to curl in on himself, recoiling from something. And she had a feeling that she knew what he was hiding from, her grip tightening as she felt the shiver that went through him. “We’re here Gray. We’re right here.” _And I know it’s not enough, that we’re not enough, but we’re here…_

“E-Erza?” Gray mumbled under his breath, brow furrowing deeper and finally, they were rewarded with the sight of his eyes shifting beneath the lids, lashes fluttering. Then there was a flash of onyx, as his eyes flickered open, roving blindly over her face and then towards Lucy before closing for a moment.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she managed to whisper, and his head lolled back towards her as he blinked slowly, looking as though he was still half adrift. Then, his gaze seemed to sharpen, even though his eyes remained half-lidded, and a second later she found herself wishing that he had stayed adrift as he finally spoke, the broken question catching her and Lucy off guard.

“Where is N-Natsu…?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Mdelpin <3

“Where is N-Natsu…?”

     It was strange how the quiet, broken question could sound so loud. It hurt, and Lucy and Erza froze, not knowing what to do as they shared anguished looks above the Ice Mage’s head. They’d known that this conversation was going to be painful, but they hadn’t been prepared for the desperate hope in Gray’s eyes or the plea in his voice. “Erza?” Gray was blinking at her, and she could see the fear creeping in as she shook her head wordlessly, not sure what to say in the face of his confusion. Unsure of whether it was shock, or just a desperate attempt to stave off the grief that had fuelled the question. “Where is Natsu?” His voice was steadier now, steel slipping in and she swallowed hard, a lump rising in her throat. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t kill the hope in his eyes. She couldn’t give him the news that none of them was ready to accept, but that she knew would shatter him.

She couldn’t remind him of what he had lost.

    It was Lucy, her eyes too bright as she blinked back tears, who settled on the edge of the bed and pulled his hand tight against her chest, meeting his gaze when he turned to look at her. “Gray,” she started, voice soft but steady, and at that moment, Erza was in awe of her strength. “Do you remember what happened?” It was gentle but probing, and Gray flinched back, what little colour he’d had left draining from his face as he shook his head from side to side.

“Where is Natsu?” It was more desperate this time, demanding as he tried to yank his hand free, pulling back from the comfort and the truth that was being offered. But there was a flicker in his eyes, and Erza knew that Lucy’s words had made him think about what had happened, that understanding was beginning to bubble up, beneath the denial and shock, and she held her breath knowing that it was going to be bad when it hit completely. “Lucy? Erza…?” He was pleading now. Begging. And Erza broke first, dropping the hand she had been holding, in favour of leaning over the bed and pulling him into a tight hug.

“I-I’m so sorry…” Her voice cracked and broke, a sob bubbling up, because how could they expect him to accept what had happened when neither of them had accepted it? When the entire guild was still reeling from what had happened, and what they had lost? Gray had gone rigid in her arms, not fighting her yet, but not welcoming it yet, and she felt him shaking his head again.

“Erza, no…” He whispered, and there was a fresh note to his voice this time that told her that either memory was returning, or they were slowly pulling him out of his denial, and she wasn’t sure which was worse. All she could do was tighten her grip and repeat her words.

“I’m sorry.”

     She felt, rather than heard his sharp intake of breath, and then all she knew was pain, as ice spread up and across her arms. Burning and biting into her skin. A strangled cry rising as she tried to pull herself free, only to realise that was a mistake, as the ice pulled at her skin, locking her in place. She was barely aware of Lucy’s voice rising in alarm, calling her name and trying to calm Gray all at once, as she lifted her head enough to see Gray’s face. He was stark white. Eyes wide and staring, no longer with them, as tears began to trickle down his cheeks, his magic pouring out of him in waves, as the grief hit him hard.

_Gray._

    No longer focused on escaping, she took a deep breath, breathing through the burn of his ice. It hurt. But not as much as the ache of Natsu’s loss, and the sight of Gray’s grief, and it held her in place. “Gray…” She felt rather than heard the way his breathing hitched, and she cut herself off, knowing that there were no words for this. Instead, gritting her teeth against the pain, she let her head drop against his shoulder. Ice immediately hit her chin, crawling up across her cheek, a frozen web locking her in place. That was fine. She hadn’t been there for Natsu when he had needed her, but she would be there for Gray, even if all she could do were hold on and try to absorb his anguish. “Let it out,” she whispered, not allowing the pain to bleed into her voice. There was a pause, Gray shaking in her arms, caught between his grief and his magic.

And then he shattered.

    If they had thought that the howl, he’d made back then was terrible, it was nothing to the sound that welled up now as he all but collapsed against her. It was howl. A keen. A wail. The sound rising, swelling in the space between them until they were both consumed by it. Erza was weeping now, but her tears were quiet, unable to make a sound as the harsh, broken cry washed over her, feeling his tears soaking into her shoulder as the noise splintered, cracked and broke into heaving sobs. _Gray._ She had seen Gray in pain before, but not like this. Never like this, and as she tightened her grip as best she could within the confines of the ice, she couldn’t entirely silence the fear that he wouldn’t come back this. She had been trying to tell herself that it was different now, that he had family around him and that he didn’t need to deal with this alone, but as she caught Natsu’s name amongst the heart-breaking sobbing, she realised that might not be enough.  That there was no way they could ever measure up to what Natsu had meant to Gray, or to how that bond had been destroyed.

*

     Erza had no idea how long they had remained like that, bound together by ice and by grief, but eventually, the ice had started to retreat. That had hurt almost as much as it had when it had crept across her skin, but she hadn’t made a sound. Gray’s sobbing was fading, not through any easing of his pain, but sheer exhaustion if the way he was all but limp against her was anything to go by, and even as her body protested the movement, she moved to support his weight. “Gray?” He stirred then, lacking the energy to lift his head, but tilting it enough to peer up at her, and she wished that he hadn’t because there was something terrifying in the dead gaze that met hers. He was raw and broken, the evidence of his grief written in the tear tracks on his face and the swollen red around his eyes, but there was something darker beneath. Anger, no anger was too mild a word for it. Fury. Brighter and harder than that which had fuelled some of Natsu’s hottest flames. A deadly chill, with an even more lethal purpose and for the first time Erza was afraid of him.

“Are you okay?” Lucy was there, eyes too bright, voice a little too steady and Erza wondered if she had seen it too. _Gray, what are you planning to do?_ She had always known that he wouldn’t forget or forgive what had happened and that he would deal with it himself if they didn’t find Natsu’s killer first, but… she met his gaze again, skin crawling as she saw death in his eyes. _Not like this._

“No.” She couldn’t lie, but she also couldn’t put into words the terror that was gripping her right now, her fingers tightening against Gray. As though if she held on tightly enough, she could stop him from taking the path that she knew was stretching out in front of him. _Natsu, how do I stop this? How do I keep him safe?_ For all that they had spent years as rivals, able to bicker and fight about the simplest things, the Dragon-slayer always…had always known how to get through to him when it was necessary, but right now she felt as though she was holding onto a stranger. “It’s too soon for that,” she added. A plea. A lie. Time was not going to make this better, but she held Gray’s gaze as she spoke, pleading for a little more time before he followed the path, she knew deep down she wasn’t going to be able to stop.

     Gray didn’t reply, but nor did he make any attempt to move, and whether it was exhaustion or agreement, she would take what she could get. Carefully, she and Lucy eased him back down onto the bed, before the Celestial mage straightened. “I’ll go and let the others know that you're awake.” She spoke to Gray, but the words were for Erza, and there was a tension in them that told her that Lucy had realised that something was wrong, whether she understood precisely what it was or not. “I’ll also get Wendy to come and look at you,” she was looking at Erza this time, eyes locked on the damage that Erza had been trying to ignore. However, what neither of them could miss was the way that Gray had stiffened at the mention of the youngest Dragon-slayer, and fresh dread pooled in Erza’s stomach, even as she pressed a hand to his shoulder, holding him in place.

“I’ll go,” she said. “Master wanted me to rest anyway.” It had been hard enough to rest since Natsu… but with the sight of Gray’s eyes burned into her memory, she doubted sleep would come anytime soon, still, her words had made Gray relax a little. “I’ll see you in a bit.”  A promise and a warning, although his eyes were already threatening to close, exhaustion doing what her words couldn’t and as she watched, two more tears joined the still damp trails on his face, and she fought the urge to glance towards Natsu’s body lay, sure that none of them was ready for that just yet. “Stay with him,” she looked at Lucy instead, seeing the worry that the other woman couldn’t quite hide, although she tried to mask it with a strained nod.

“Of course.”

     It was harder than she cared to admit pulling herself away. A fear that would be a long time in fading griping her with each step she took because the last time they had been separated. The last time she had let Natsu and Gray out of her right… Her hand was shaking as she reached for the door handle, and she couldn’t stop herself from glancing back towards the other two. Gray appeared to already be asleep, and Lucy had settled in the seat beside him once more, and yet uneasiness made her falter. _He’s not going to wait for long._ Grief and exhaustion would buy them days at most, and it wasn’t enough, and now she couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting to the curtains hiding Natsu from sight. _Natsu, I don’t know how to protect him from this…_

****

    Lucy’s breathing had evened out a few minutes before, but it was only now that Gray dared open his eyes, blinking to clear them. They were dry and itchy, and he lifted a hand to rub at them, dragging it down his face, feeling the evidence of his tears. Of his grief. It was still there, a crushing weight on his chest that threatened to steal his breath, and a vast emptiness that threatened to swallow him whole, and oh how he wanted to. Erza’s gentle ‘let it out’ had shattered him, or rather what had been left of him as the realisation of what he had lost had set in. Now there was nothing left but jagged edges, and a chill that had nothing to do with the magic churning beneath his skin. There wasn’t even enough left for him to pretend that he was himself anymore because the warmth that had held him together. The person that had thawed his heart was gone.

_Natsu._

    His eyes burned, but he blinked back the tears, refusing to let them fall this time. He had screamed his pain to the world, he had sobbed out his grief, and it had barely scratched the surface of the pain in his heart. There would be no relief from that, no escape, and he didn’t deserve one. _I’m so sorry Natsu, I’m so sorry…_ Grief and guilt surged, bile rising in the back of his throat. Deep down, he knew that nothing could have stopped Natsu from doing what he had done and that his mate had not for a second blamed him.

He had felt it.

The love that had blazed through their bond right until the end.

    It didn’t stop him from blaming himself, though. If he had been more alert that night. If he had fought harder. If he had managed to stop Natsu. So many if’s and buts, so many questions, and none of it would make a difference even if he were able to find the answers, because it was too late.

It was too late…

    The weight on his chest shifted, pressure building until it felt as though he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to breathe. He didn’t want to be alive, not without Natsu. _I should have died with him. I should have died for him._ He could imagine Natsu’s reaction if he’d known what Gray was thinking, and that made it a thousand times worse because the Dragon-slayer was vividly alive in his memories. Flashing olive eyes, bright grin, and a warm presence that had consumed his entire being, and he had to press a hand to his mouth to hold back the sob that threatened to break free.

_I’m so sorry._

     He remained like that for a few minutes, fighting to stop himself coming apart at the seams again, even as part of him wondered if it would be easier to break, to shatter until there was nothing left to endure this feeling. It was more tempting than he cared to admit, and this time it wasn’t Natsu that stopped him, but HER.

_‘I wonder what will give first,” she murmured glancing back and smirking at his efforts, both of them knowing there was no way he was going to free himself. “His body,” she lashed out, and Gray realised that her nails had morphed into claws as she moved, drawing five bloody furrows across Natsu’s face and barely missing his eyes and yet there wasn’t the faintest flicker of pain in his expression. “Or his mind…” She tapped the Dragon-slayer on the head before adding conversationally. “You know if his mind breaks first and he gives you to me, I’ll let him live…let him live with the knowledge that he gave you to me.”_

    Ice crept across his skin as his hands balled into fists. He hadn’t asked, hadn’t been in a state to ask, but he knew that she had escaped. That she was alive out there somewhere. He knew that Erza would have said if they’d had her in custody, and even though his memory was hazy, he knew, just as he knew that Natsu…that Natsu was… that Natsu was gone, that she had escaped. That she hadn’t been there at the end. Just as he knew that Erza had seen his intent when their eyes had met earlier. He should probably have tried to mask it, but what was the point? There was no way he was going to hide it, not when it was all that he had left. _You have more than that,_ a small voice that sounded something suspiciously like Natsu whispered at the back of his mind, and there was a flicker of something beneath the pain and grief, beneath the resolve, and he lifted his head to glance at Lucy.

     The Celestial mage was asleep in the chair that she had pulled up to the side of his bed, and he could still remember the burst of irritation when he realised he was being left with a minder, although considering what Erza had probably seen in his expression that wasn’t to be surprising. No, that wasn’t fair. They would never leave him alone, not after something like this. Not after… his stomach clenched and churned again, and he had to look away for a moment, resentment burning bright, because there was only one person who should be in that chair waiting for him to wake as he had too many times before. _But never again…_ However, he soon turned back, seeing the grief in her face, the evidence of crying. It tugged on something in his chest, but he buried the sensation. He knew that this loss wasn’t his alone, he really did, but right now he couldn’t think about that, because if he did, then he really would break.

      He watched her for a moment longer, before slowly easing himself up on the bed. He ached as though he had gone several rounds with…Natsu…and yet he hadn’t done anything, he hadn’t been able to fight. He had been helpless. Useless. The ice that had spread across his hands, now blossomed, crystallising the bedding around him, his magic as unbalanced as the rest of him. He made no effort to reign it in. Instead, he lifted his head and glanced across to the curtains that were currently hiding the distant bed from sight, he had been half-asleep when Erza was leaving, but he had seen the way she had looked towards it, and he had a sinking feeling that he knew what was hidden from sight.

Just as he knew that he wasn’t ready to see it.

    He was trembling and unsteady as he slipped out of bed, ice fracturing as he pulled himself free and he vaguely remembered his ice creeping over Erza earlier. He would have to apologise…later. For now, it was taking all his attention just to move, although he had a feeling that part of it was reluctance more than anything else because he knew that once he saw. Once he knew…there would be no hiding from what had happened. It was almost enough to make him turn back and bolt back to the bed, to hide under the covers like a child hiding from a nightmare. Almost. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t look away. Not when Natsu had held on to the end, hurting, breaking, all to keep Gray safe, even though they’d both known that all he had to do was stop. How could Gray stop when the Dragon-slayer hadn’t?

    It didn’t make it any easier for him to lift his hand and rest it against the rune barrier that had sprung into view at his approach, fingers trembling as he pressed his hand against the shimmering wall of runes. _Please._ Mercifully, Freed must have foreseen this moment, because there was a pause and then the runes were shifted, and he knew enough of the writing to recognise his own name in there, before the barrier peeled away, opening a doorway just large enough for him to slip through. He glanced back once, checking that Lucy was asleep, unable to bear the thought of sharing this moment with anyone, but while she had shifted at some point, she still seemed to be deeply asleep and taking a deep breath he pushed through the curtains.

     It was cold beyond the curtains, or maybe it was because the air around Natsu had always been warm, often too warm, and Gray shivered as he stumbled to a halt. He could feel the magic in here, it tickled his skin, and he tensed, wondering if it was a leftover from Her. But then his gaze finally fell on Natsu, and it felt as though he had been punched in the gut.

Because it was Natsu.

   And if he hadn’t known better and hadn’t let his eyes drift to the unmoving chest, he might have been convinced that the Dragon-slayer was just sleeping after a fight had gone wrong. Someone. _Not me, and it should have been me…_ had cleaned Natsu up, washing away the blood and dirt, although it made the wounds stand out more vividly. And now he could see that the magic was shimmering over Natsu, like a shroud draped across his body, protecting him. Preserving him. Gray wanted to tear it away, because, like this, Natsu looked as though he could wake at any moment. As though olive eyes would slide open, and the grin that Gray loved so much would creep across his face, softened by sleep and affection.

    He knew it was a lie, an illusion, but it didn’t stop him from stepping closer and reaching out with shaking fingers. Natsu was cold to the touch. _Just like Edolas,_ he tried to tell himself, remembering how cool Natsu had felt when they’d found him and Wendy. But this was different. It was a cold that had burrowed deep. A cold that had done the one thing he had always believed was impossible, and quenched Natsu’s flame. Still, he curled his fingers against Natsu’s jaw, brushing his thumb lightly over some of the claw marks. “Natsu.” He didn’t recognise the broken sound that was passing for his voice, but still, he stared at Natsu, searching for something…crumpling when there was nothing, even though he’d known. “Hey, Natsu…come on this isn’t funny…” The words cracked and broke and faded away into silence because there was never going to be a reply. If Natsu’s stillness and the chill that had taken root in his skin wasn’t proof of that, the emptiness where their bond had been was inescapable evidence that Natsu was gone.

That Gray was alone.

    His knees gave way, and he made no effort to catch himself as he slumped to the ground beside the bed, a sob rocking him. His hand fell away from Natsu’s cheek, but he couldn’t bear the lack of contact, reaching out blindly until he could grasp one of the Dragon-slayer’s hands, clutching it like a lifeline. “Natsu, I…” _I’m sorry. I love you. I can’t do this without you…_ There were so many words that he could so, so many things that he needed to say. Words that the hadn’t had chance to say before it was too late, but as he stared up at the Dragon-slayer’s body, something cold and dangerous rose through the middle of his grief, and his voice was little more than a growl as he said quietly. “I am going to kill her.”


End file.
